Celebrating her son, Adhu - by a grieving mother....

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When you were living in my womb, you taught me patience

Soon when you were out, you taught me my parents’ worth

While you grew to be a one-year-old, you taught me responsibility and bonding

Whenever you fell ill, you reminded me how important I was to you

And whenever I fell ill you reminded me how important you were to me

As you started to speak, you trumpeted the splendor of sounds in my ears

As you started to crawl, you paraded to me and made me feel proud

You made me laugh and giggle when you were calling me ‘cheema’

And how can I forget how I felt when you first called me ‘amma’?

And the day you stood up and walked straight to my arms and gave me a big hug

You made me feel so special when you cried seeing me leave for work

And refused to leave me when I was back from a long day

You trained me to stay awake and play with you in the nights

And stay fresh throughout the day thinking about what we played last night

And made me being skilled in raising you with grace

Every day from then on was special with all your pranks and jokes

How can I forget when you spotted an elephant crossing the road?

While it was indeed a big black buffalo!

How can I forget when you explained what a road roller is?

‘oh, it is something that is as big as my mummy!’

You were full of energy and bubbling with briskness

Always loved by your friends, never hated or cursed by anyone

You were the center of attraction among your besties

Although you were simple, you were a role model for many

I don’t remember you have an enemy

You were naughty and annoying sometimes with your pranks

Yet helpful and remembered as a kind soul by all

You spoke philosophical and advised your friends about life

Yet you disappeared so soon from my life

Leaving behind those beautiful memories of your 14 years with me

I will be counting my days in this world

Living each day recalling a sweet memory of us

Remembering the happy moments that we shared

Singing the songs that we used to sing

Celebrating every moment of the lovely life that we lived in this world….

2 years since you vanished from this world..

It feels the same even now

when I think about the day you left me;

but with a lesser heartache

and an unexplained numbness.

wait…. It doesn’t mean I am ok.



All these days I was thinking,

forgetting that day was most difficult;

but now, I am coming to realize

that the emptiness in my life without you

is the hardest to live with.



I know you are happier

in a much better place than I am in

watching me from above

and wishing I wasn’t crying

about missing your presence beside me



‘How can you expect me to be happy’?

is what I feel like screaming;

but when I think you are happier

it makes me feel comforted

for you are free from all the worries out here



When are, you coming down?

to get me and show me your world

and make me as happy as you are now

so, we can spend the rest of our lives

with a vow to never separate again.



Love you son……

Love continues to exist

Love is composed of a single soul inhabited in two bodies
Even if one of the bodies dies love continues to exist...

Dreams..

I had always been dreaming that I would quit my job and welcome him with snacks and tea when he is back from school…

I wish I had done that when he was born so I would have spent more time with him by now…

I dreamt of seeing him happily announce his 10th and 12th-grade marks…

I dreamt of guiding him to the college to pursue his ambition…

I dreamt of taking a ride in his bike sitting behind him with fear yet holding his shoulder with pride…

I dreamt of admiring him with spikes, as a hippy, trendy, and stylish as he grew…

I dreamt of helping him with recipes when he would be in hostel trying to cook for him…

I dreamt of watching him receive his degree on his graduation day…

I dreamt of capturing a picture while he & his friends would throw their graduation caps up in the air…

I dreamt of the day he gets an offer for a job…

I dreamt of rejoicing the moment he would get his first paycheck…

I dreamt that he would open his car door for me to sit beside him and that I would wave to our neighbors…

I dreamt of the day he would sign for his first acting role…

I dreamt of seeing him on the television acting in different roles…

I dreamt of watching him on the big screen sitting with strangers, who would whistle and applaud when he appears for the first time…

I dreamt of listening to him sing his favorite song during our moonlight dinners…

I dreamt of twisting his ears upon finding out that he has fallen in love…

I dreamt of conveying and convincing his daddy to let him marry the one he loves…

I dreamt of seeing him blush when we would tease him with his fiancé…

I dreamt of making a list of ‘things to do’ and people to invite for his wedding…

I dreamt of blessing him with all my heart when he would fall at our feet with his wife…

I dreamt of telling his wife about all his childhood pranks…

I dreamt of that moment when he would tell me that he is soon going to be a dad…

I dreamt of that day when I would hold my grandchild in my arms, and quietly check what is it…a boy or a girl?!…

I dreamt of announcing to the world that I am a proud grandma…

I dreamt of the day when my grandchild would call me ‘Paati’

I dreamt of hugging him every now and then with my head on his chest and tell ‘I love you, son’…

I dreamt of leaning over his shoulder whenever I would be in blue…

I dreamt of holding his hand while my knees would no longer balance my weight…

I dreamt of dying in his arms with a drop of his tears falling on my cheek…

I wish he was there to make my dreams come true…