Tepy Keev (Stephanie Adler)

On July 28th, 2016 we found each other through a post on the Facebook UDEM group. These were your words, “it's nice to "meet" someone in the program. I cannot wait to start.”

From the start, till you reached the internship stage, you had this enthusiasm in you to learn more, to be the best and shine, and most importantly to help people that were like you.

You were the star of our class, the one with the most charming smile and contagious laughter. You enjoyed every moment of our silly jokes, Dana’s dance, and Jake’s singing.

Right from the time we met on Facebook, you guided me with almost everything. I do not remember even a single occasion when you denied help.

You were the best example of perseverance and selflessness. We were inspired by your hard work.

Love you dear, Rest in Peace.

We miss you a lot Steph and you will live in our hearts forever.

6th March - Six years

My beloved Adhu, this 6th March, six years have passed and you have shown me six things,

Power of yearning

Depth of loneliness

My true friends

Healing nature of time

Courage of accepting reality

Unseen soul connection

When you truly love someone, set them free, they fly away but will always be flying in your heart

You will always be a happy soul circling in my heart, Love you, Adhu

Celebrating my birthday 2020

From 2015 onwards I stopped celebrating my birthdays

But today, I realized that

I lived in a life of paradox

these five years

If I wasn't born I would not have had

my best parents

my amazing siblings

my lovely friends from near and far, and

overseas

my affectionate relatives

my loving partner, and

my understanding in-laws

If I wasn't born I would not have been a mother to you

I would not have had the beautiful memories

of fourteen years that you left behind

Celebrating my Birthday, celebrating you, Adhu

My dear son in Heaven

Who is He?

When you are sad he cheers you up

When you need to cry he lends his shoulder

When you are down he lifts you up

When you need love he gives it abundantly

When you need protection he gives you security 

When you need advice he gives them freely

When you need help he helps out of his way

When you need a kick he is the one to give it first

When you need to laugh he gets hilarious

When the world puts you in dark he brightens your life

He is our brother

He is Suku ♡

Love you Suku,

Lavs and Veens

Happy Earthly 20th birthday, Adhu!

Adityakiran - 12th July 2000 to 6th March 2015

Today, when I opened my eyes, I saw you

in a little bundle with a pink face; 

Your tiny little fingers wiggled at me

and your black eyes melted my heart;

When I held you close to my chest,

I felt that inseparable bond of love

The love between a mother and her child

Love made in the heavens 

Love present in the seven seas

Love that did not have any boundaries and conditions.

Twenty years after you appeared in this world

And five years since you left

We still celebrate the mark that you left behind -

Your birthday on earth 

Your life that you generously shared with us.

Happy Earthly birthday, Adhu

Love you from earth to heaven

Wings have grown and its time to fly...

On a beautiful night in the colorful fall,

there came an angel as our baby doll,

With twinkling eyes, shining cheeks,

and tiny lips like glittering streaks.

Years have passed by seeing her crawl,

cry with tantrums, chatter with loud laughter.

Her, running around the house from wall to wall.

Never stopping to grow thereafter. 

Little did we know her talents earlier,

of her love for music and melodies.

Now she has grown to be a teacher;

making us proud of her wonderful qualities.

In a few months, she is becoming an adult,

but to us, she remains our sweet little girl.

We wish her success in all her endeavors

and aspirations to transform into realities.

A new normal

When I was just a wandering soul, being born as a daughter was a new normal
When I started going to school, being with friends became a new normal
When I fell in love, being showered with love was a new normal
When I started earning, living independent became a new normal
When I got married, sharing my life was a new normal

When a new life started to grow in my womb, the excitement became a new normal
When my son was born, the joy of life became a new normal
When I watched my son grow, the strengthening of my bond became a new normal
As my son became a teenager, unconditional love became a new normal
When suddenly he left the world, his absence became a new normal.

As years passed by, a life without my son around has become a new normal
Learning to live with the biggest void has become a new normal
Learning to laugh heartily by hiding the inner grief has become a new normal
Learning to lead a normal life as if nothing happened has become a new normal
Learning to count my remaining days has become a new normal

Learning to live with all the beautiful memories has become a new normal
Learning to live with the fear of losing those lovely memories has become a new normal
Learning to view all problems as small ones have become a new normal
Living with the hope of meeting my son in the other world has become a new normal

Living with the hope that that day would come soon is the new normal...

பயணம்

குளிர் நிறைந்த பெட்டி;

குளிர் பெட்டியின் பகுதி குளிர்தான் இருக்கும்;

பலவித காய்கறிகளை போல, 

வகை தொகையான மனிதர்கள் பயணம் செய்யும் பெட்டி

ஒருவர் சொல் செல்லிலும் 

மற்றொருவர் சிரிப்பு பல்லிலும் இருக்க,

தாவி குதித்து வந்த சிறுவன்

தனது அம்மாவை கொஞ்சி தடவும் 

அவன் கைகள் இருக்க,   

அந்த தாய் மட்டும் 

சற்று சிந்தனையிலும்

கொஞ்சம் தயக்கத்திலும்

காணப்பட்டாள்.

ஒருபக்கம் நிர்வாகி அமரச்சொல்ல 

மறுபக்கம் மாட்டேன் என்று சிறுவன் கதற, 

பார்ப்பவருக்கு புரிந்தது 

அம்மாவின் இருக்கை எண் சிறுவனின் இருக்கை எண்ணிற்கு வெகுதூரம் இருந்தது என்று

வெறும் ஐந்து நிமிடம்தான் இருக்கும்

அருகில் அமர்ந்திருந்த இரண்டுபேர் இறங்கிவிட்டார்க்கள் 

ஓடிவந்து சிறுவன் அமர 

அவன் தாய் வந்து 

அவனை கட்டி அணைக்க,

ஆஹா என்ன அற்புதம்! 

இக்காட்சியை கண்டதும்

உதட்டில் சிரிப்போடு மனநிறைவோடு கண்கள்  உறங்கியது.

Christmas a day of love..

Missing your smile and twinkling eyes
while opening those gifts from Santa;
Missing those moments when you jumped with glee and clapped your hands
to see your favorite toys;
Missing the fun of blowing candles and cutting the 'Merry Christmas - Santa' cake;
Missing the joy that we shared with your friends and each other;
Missing those secret cuddly hugs after the party was over;

But I know you are here watching over me and showering your love;
unseen but truly felt deep inside my heart♡

LOVE YOU ADHU

Will miss you, honey...

You have spoilt me…...

By waking me up in the morning every day

with a warm hug & kiss on my forehead,

you have pampered me with all the love

displayed in abundance!!!!

Right from preparing an aromatic coffee

to making delicious food for lunch

and managing finances

you have made me lazy!

How much will I miss you

cannot be expressed in words

but only be felt in the heart

and soul….

Only both of us understand “us”

and that we are meant to be together

Even if we are physically apart

Will be with you now and always…….

Can't believe it's been 4 years...

I can't believe it's been 4 years since you left this physical world
Today is a special day for you cos you left us to be in a better place;
Called the Heaven where I know you are happy,
peaceful and surrounded by love…

It took me one year to believe that I am never going to see you again,
two years to accept that your soul actually never left me,
three years to understand that your soul is watching over me and
four years to know that the only choice I have is to move on…..

I will miss your laughter and hugs forever… until we meet again….
Love you Adhu, missing you every day and more today.

Mom

Sending a birthday wish to heaven

Years have passed not one or two but eighteen!
neither have I forgotten your rolling movements in my tummy
nor have I forgotten your tiny feet kicking over my chest;
every single moment of happiness that you gave me,
even from the time before you saw this world, I remember.

Thank you for giving me this beautiful feeling of motherhood;
childbirth, nursing, listening to your baby talks and trying to answer your questions,
sharing some silly secrets, seeing you grow into a handsome young guy;
these are the lovely memories that I cherish every day and every moment
and I thank God for making you a part of my life.

I cannot see you with my eyes but can feel you with my heart
I know you are there in me, with me, and around me wherever I go and whatever I do;
you are guiding me like a star from the heavens; you are my star and will always be…
I love you, son… wishing you a happy birthday!

Want you to be in my arms when I open my eyes

As I replay in my head, our life from the day you were born,

I wish I could go back and change the way things happened.

I close my eyes and imagine a life full of happiness

with you and me in a place called the parallel universe;

where you are alive with full of laughter and playfulness

as you had always been and known among everyone.

This is what has kept me alive these three years

with you dwelling in my heart and in my memories.

I know you are in and around me, and wherever I go

guiding me as a star and helping me make my next move.

I look forward to the day when I close my eyes and open to finding you

in my arms, smiling at me with love in your eyes, at paradise

Happy 17th birthday, Adhu...

Adhu-ma,

I love you…..I love to love you! Yes, that used to be one of our favorite code games. You would start saying I hate…. and wait for my shocking/sad expression and then finish the sentence….. Ma, I hate to hate you! And you would go a step further and say ‘Ma, I love to hate to hate you’. We shared a very special bond… we still do. When you started talking with single words you would say Appa, Thatha, Akka but it took a long time for you to say Amma. It was a special moment in my life when you first called me Amma. That was when I was in the shower and I came out half bathed, yet fully dressed, only to come out to hear you saying appa, thatha, akka again. You took pleasure in seeing my sad expression when you would call me Cheema instead of amma! Those cute flapping of hands like a penguin along with panting like a dog when you were excited can never be forgotten! For years, people used to think you were a girl because of your beautiful eyes and rosy lips. Your playschool teacher dressed you up like a girl because she didn’t have enough girls in her class and you stood there on the stage as shy!

You were a star in all the places you went to. I was popularly known as Adhi’s mom and whenever some parent meets me for the first time they would say, ‘Ok, so you are Adhi’s mom. He is such a nice, well-behaved and never naughty boy!’. I remember how we would come home and laugh at that comment because only we knew how naughty you were!

You taught me how to love especially how to love unconditionally. You taught me patience and tolerance. There was this day when you threw tantrums and rolled over the floor crying, ‘I want the electricity to be on… RIGHT NOW, when there was a scheduled power cut in Trichy!’. I couldn’t help but just laugh at your cuteness and innocence.

You were your teachers’ pet. Parents-teachers’ meetings were always those that I used to look forward to. Every teacher would only shower praises about you and how good you were except once during your 1st grade you broke the tube light in your classroom! I could only laugh at your naughtiness but had to keep a serious face in front of your class teacher. Once you fell from stairs and had a cut on your chin which had to be sutured. After 4 years, you had a slip of your tongue and blurted that you had indeed jumped from the top of a cupboard and that’s how you hurt your chin. You only made me wonder how you climbed on top of the cupboard in the first place and that too as a 1st grader! You also mentioned that no one other than one of your friends knew this!

I enjoyed the way you used to call me ‘gundu thakali and panju methai’ although I knew you were teasing me. From 2011 you got a new accomplice to tease me. Yes, you and Sheker loved to pull my leg for my slow speed of functioning. You were such a sport too when we used to often pull your leg by mentioning your childhood crush from Chennai.

I loved the way you used to press and massage my legs soon after I came home. You never failed to care. You knew it when I was tired and would always help me prepare meals. You were such a great helper. Your dodamma was amazed to see the way I was taking help from you for everything right from turning off a light switch and in turn becoming lazier!

You grew up as a handsome young man and wanted to become an actor. You were already a great actor and the plays in which you acted were awesome and hilarious! You would have been 17 today but always a 9th grader and 14 for all of us!

There are many times I wish you were here with me in this world, but my heart knows you are in a much better and happier place now, quietly watching me. Thank you for leaving behind 15 years of endless memories for me to cherish my entire lifetime. I know you are here with me now and listening to the messages from those who love you. I know you will always be with me as a guiding star in my heart as you have always been.

Love

I wish I could hug you….

Amma

Celebrating her son, Adhu - by a grieving mother....

Add caption

When you were living in my womb, you taught me patience

Soon when you were out, you taught me my parents’ worth

While you grew to be a one-year-old, you taught me responsibility and bonding

Whenever you fell ill, you reminded me how important I was to you

And whenever I fell ill you reminded me how important you were to me

As you started to speak, you trumpeted the splendor of sounds in my ears

As you started to crawl, you paraded to me and made me feel proud

You made me laugh and giggle when you were calling me ‘cheema’

And how can I forget how I felt when you first called me ‘amma’?

And the day you stood up and walked straight to my arms and gave me a big hug

You made me feel so special when you cried seeing me leave for work

And refused to leave me when I was back from a long day

You trained me to stay awake and play with you in the nights

And stay fresh throughout the day thinking about what we played last night

And made me being skilled in raising you with grace

Every day from then on was special with all your pranks and jokes

How can I forget when you spotted an elephant crossing the road?

While it was indeed a big black buffalo!

How can I forget when you explained what a road roller is?

‘oh, it is something that is as big as my mummy!’

You were full of energy and bubbling with briskness

Always loved by your friends, never hated or cursed by anyone

You were the center of attraction among your besties

Although you were simple, you were a role model for many

I don’t remember you have an enemy

You were naughty and annoying sometimes with your pranks

Yet helpful and remembered as a kind soul by all

You spoke philosophical and advised your friends about life

Yet you disappeared so soon from my life

Leaving behind those beautiful memories of your 14 years with me

I will be counting my days in this world

Living each day recalling a sweet memory of us

Remembering the happy moments that we shared

Singing the songs that we used to sing

Celebrating every moment of the lovely life that we lived in this world….

2 years since you vanished from this world..

It feels the same even now

when I think about the day you left me;

but with a lesser heartache

and an unexplained numbness.

wait…. It doesn’t mean I am ok.



All these days I was thinking,

forgetting that day was most difficult;

but now, I am coming to realize

that the emptiness in my life without you

is the hardest to live with.



I know you are happier

in a much better place than I am in

watching me from above

and wishing I wasn’t crying

about missing your presence beside me



‘How can you expect me to be happy’?

is what I feel like screaming;

but when I think you are happier

it makes me feel comforted

for you are free from all the worries out here



When are, you coming down?

to get me and show me your world

and make me as happy as you are now

so, we can spend the rest of our lives

with a vow to never separate again.



Love you son……

Love continues to exist

Love is composed of a single soul inhabited in two bodies
Even if one of the bodies dies love continues to exist...

Dreams..

I had always been dreaming that I would quit my job and welcome him with snacks and tea when he is back from school…

I wish I had done that when he was born so I would have spent more time with him by now…

I dreamt of seeing him happily announce his 10th and 12th-grade marks…

I dreamt of guiding him to the college to pursue his ambition…

I dreamt of taking a ride in his bike sitting behind him with fear yet holding his shoulder with pride…

I dreamt of admiring him with spikes, as a hippy, trendy, and stylish as he grew…

I dreamt of helping him with recipes when he would be in hostel trying to cook for him…

I dreamt of watching him receive his degree on his graduation day…

I dreamt of capturing a picture while he & his friends would throw their graduation caps up in the air…

I dreamt of the day he gets an offer for a job…

I dreamt of rejoicing the moment he would get his first paycheck…

I dreamt that he would open his car door for me to sit beside him and that I would wave to our neighbors…

I dreamt of the day he would sign for his first acting role…

I dreamt of seeing him on the television acting in different roles…

I dreamt of watching him on the big screen sitting with strangers, who would whistle and applaud when he appears for the first time…

I dreamt of listening to him sing his favorite song during our moonlight dinners…

I dreamt of twisting his ears upon finding out that he has fallen in love…

I dreamt of conveying and convincing his daddy to let him marry the one he loves…

I dreamt of seeing him blush when we would tease him with his fiancé…

I dreamt of making a list of ‘things to do’ and people to invite for his wedding…

I dreamt of blessing him with all my heart when he would fall at our feet with his wife…

I dreamt of telling his wife about all his childhood pranks…

I dreamt of that moment when he would tell me that he is soon going to be a dad…

I dreamt of that day when I would hold my grandchild in my arms, and quietly check what is it…a boy or a girl?!…

I dreamt of announcing to the world that I am a proud grandma…

I dreamt of the day when my grandchild would call me ‘Paati’

I dreamt of hugging him every now and then with my head on his chest and tell ‘I love you, son’…

I dreamt of leaning over his shoulder whenever I would be in blue…

I dreamt of holding his hand while my knees would no longer balance my weight…

I dreamt of dying in his arms with a drop of his tears falling on my cheek…

I wish he was there to make my dreams come true…